Ed Miller's Last Thoughts
by Perky Lil' Panda
Summary: Everyone has seen the infamous moment where Jesse James shoots Ed Miller in the movie... But what was that poor man reflecting on in his last moments? The idea was given to me by Every Wolf Has Its Howl, so many thanks and credits to her!


**Hiya, Jesse James fans! everyone has seen the part in the movie where Ed is killed (I almost cried)... but what was REALLY going through that poor man's head when he was on the horse ride? I don't own anything, just his thoughts... Happy reading!**

You know he's going to kill you. No doubt about that. It is Jesse James, after all, the most famous outlaw in America. And if Jesse James wants you dead, you might as well start digging your grave, because it's inevitable. Your situation is one that you can't escape unless you're such a huge idiot that you try to kill him before he kills you. You can't win, and you know that.

So when he suggested going on a ride into town, you accepted. He's already pissed off at you, there's no use in making him angrier. The sun was setting, and you knew it would probably be the last sunset you ever saw. You stared at it, trying to ignore the tension in the air, as Jesse mounted his horse. Your own horse whinnied softly, perhaps in understanding at your fear. You stroked his neck, feeling as if the whole world had turned against you, and it was just you and that horse against everything else life wanted to plague you with.

"You first, Ed." Jesse offered once he'd got on his horse, motioning for you to go in front of him. Anyone who didn't know him would have thought he was just trying to be courteous, but you were no fool. You'd known Jesse for years, and when he did something like that there was always a reason behind it. Jesse James never did anything without a reason. Nevertheless, you licked your lips nervously and dug the heel of your boot into your horses side. You began moving, the steady noise of both horses' hooves hitting the dirt being the only sound you heard.

Jesse wasn't far behind, there was only about ten feet of distance between you two. Still, you look back every thirty seconds, making sure he didn't have a gun drawn. Not that you'd be able to do anything if he did, but you'd still prefer to know when he was about to do it, so that you could brace yourself. Or maybe you'd rather he did it suddenly. At least then it would be a shock, and you wouldn't have time to fret over it. A few quick seconds of pain (probably excruciating) and that was it. You'd be gone, and it would all be over.

You steered your horse into the woods, intent on following the path that led into town. You knew he'd kill you before you ever made it out of there, and he knew you knew, but you might as well pretend you didn't. You'd have privacy in the woods, and you'd rather not be killed with people watching. You've been subjected to enough ridicule and humiliation in your lifetime, thank you very much.

He didn't speak, and you certainly weren't going to start a casual conversation with him, so you just took the time to think. The December night air was cold, and you could see your breath making steam in the air as you exhaled slowly. Your nerves threatened to agitate, but you focused on calming them with deep breaths. You weren't going to die a coward. You were going to sit up straight and put on your brave face while greeting Death in a welcoming manner.

Maybe you welcomed Death anyways. You didn't have anything to live for that you could think of, and you'd been depressed for months. It wasn't like you'd be leaving anyone behind. You had no wife (though you wished you did), no children (though you desperately wanted to be a father), and your only friends were the men in Jesse's gang. You hadn't seen them since the Blue Cut train robbery, since September, and for all you knew their lives could have expired already at the hands of Jesse. Just like yours was about to.

You might consider it suicide, what was about to happen. You didn't plead with him, or try to compromise. You were scared, of course, who wouldn't be if they knew they were about to die? But fear and dread aren't synonyms, and being scared didn't mean anything. You just wished you would have had a bit more time to prepare, maybe huddle over your father's old bible for a bit and plead for mercy and forgiveness. You also wished that you'd done more with your life, because all you had to be proud of was robbing a few banks and trains and being associated with Jesse James. But oh well, it was too late now, and wishful thinking would get you nowhere. You'd just have to wait and see what happens.

You rode for what seemed like an eternity of silence, and it had been dark for a good while when Jesse finally spoke. "You ever count the stars?" he asked in his deep voice, moving his horse to trot closer to yours. You glanced to the right and a little behind you at him, then up at the sky. You found it nerve-racking that he could be so casual when he was preparing to kill you. The night was cloudless, and you could see the constellations above you through the gaps in the naked trees. You only looked for a moment before facing front again, but Jesse wasn't done. "I can't ever get the same number, they keep changin' on me."

You glanced up again, and actually took the time to look at them. "I don't even know what a star is, exactly." you replied just as casually. You decided that it would benefit you more to keep up the charade, because pretending that you aren't aware might give you a moment's peace and take your mind off of it for a while.

It made you sad to think that those stars would be the last beautiful sight you'd ever see. Nature in itself was really the only thing you could see on the regular that was beautiful. There were no women for you to look at, and maybe that was best. You would never be good enough for any woman, and you didn't want to curse one with your presence on a daily basis. The only woman you'd ever slept with was the blonde lady during the storm, and she'd charged you a quarter of your savings for it. Sure, she'd said some mighty kind things to you, but they were meaningless all the same. The boys had made sure you knew that. No woman could ever love you, for what about you was there to love?

Jesse's voice brought you back to reality, and you glanced at him again as he said, "Well, your body knows. It's your mind that forgot."

He was still talking about the stars, but the danger lacing his voice made you shiver. He always got that velvety tone when he was about to kill someone. You'd seen it happen plenty of times before, and this was no different. You didn't respond, but was fully aware when the sound of his horse's hooves ceased. You looked back at him, and saw that he'd stopped on the side of the path. "Whoa, whoa. Whoa." you said quietly to your horse. It stopped walking, and you turned around to look at Jesse.

"You go on ahead, partner," he instructed, waving you along. "I'll catch up with ya."

You swallowed, and a sweat broke out on your forehead. But you obeyed, and your horse kept moving. Jesse's horse could be heard, but only faintly, because you were a great distance apart now. You looked back at him much more often, but he didn't seem to care. Finally, you took a deep breath and turned back around. You were trembling in fear, because this was it, this was the moment. You were about to die. A horrible feeling settled in the pit of your stomach, and you decided in a split second that you didn't want this. You'd thought about suicide before, but this was different, this was out of your control. Tears threatened to well up, but they didn't have time. You barely registered the sound of a gunshot before an intense pain ripped through your back and chest.

The force of the bullet threw you off your horse, and you landed facedown on the ground with a hard thud. You heard one of the horses come closer, and you weakly tried to raise up to acknowledge Jesse. Another shot rang through the air, and you just barely felt the second bullet enter your body. You fell back down, and lay with your eyes shut, the cold ground against your cheek. You heard the horses trotting away, with Jesse gently soothing them. You didn't move as the sound of the night faded, along with your pain as you lay there dying. Numbness overtook your body and shut your mind away from everything, and the world seemed to stop. The last thing you felt was a faint sense of relief. It was finally over, and you would suffer no more.

**Reviews make me happy... How was it? Thanks for reading!**


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